LOVE GOT FILTERED OUT

The tears still roll down my eyes
The loneliness still surrounds
A truth that I tried to run away from
All this while
Is making itself manifest
In silences
In long waits beside the telephone
The head pretends not to wait
But the heart steals glances
Into the LCD screen
Looking up for your name
Maybe you remember
Maybe you were too busy
Or maybe it’s plain- You are not with me
Though so hard we try
And all I can do is
Pour my heart into black ink and ruled paper
My vision blurred by the teardrop
That just doesn’t know
Whether to fall off or stay back in
And then it slowly disappears
Just like truth has
Just like I have
Between faces of thousands of you have to be that
But it’s me
And it’s my heart
Which loves with all its might
Not knowing where to draw the line
Never learnt that
Never knew true love had
Conditions like that

And now I stand on bifurcations
Of roads
Of lives
Of hearts
Torn and tried to be stitched back
Of blood
Proved to be made of corpuscles and platelets
Scientifically christened
The warmth
The throb
All forgotten under factual calculations
Maybe that’s when you count your cells
Maybe that’s how you draw lines
Write rules of how much and whys
A certain set of things
Which does everything but let you be yourself

And then you think you have loved
But your love was weighed packaged and stamped
And sent off straight to the head
Instead of the heart
Where the rules would filter you either out or into the system
If you stayed you should consider yourself blessed
And follow faithfully all the rules set
No expectations
No conditions
Just the filtered rules
If you are filtered out
You should just find hobbies to entertain yourself
Try writing instead
Imagine love replaced by pages of nothings
Imagine yourself living beside paper heaps
But that was that-love negotiated
Until love got filtered out
And the only thing that remained was
Heaps of paper and black ink
And of course the name I sign my poems with.


Maiiya.
26.08.2009
22:03